I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
