wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
