My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
