Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
