What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
