remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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