He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
