So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
