now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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