Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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