she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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