And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
