I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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