i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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