i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
