I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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