hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Someone came in the potted fern
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
