I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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