Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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