Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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