Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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