I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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