You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
