Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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