Cold hands, warm shart.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
