it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
