what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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