I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
