It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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