sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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