it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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