Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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