No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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