I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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