I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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