Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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