Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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