first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
