I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
