I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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