weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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