I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
