you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Come see our sink grown plant.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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