you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
