I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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