Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
