I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this boner is exhausting
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
