I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
