**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
