Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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