the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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