if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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