She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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