I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
