This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I supernannyed him into submission
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
