I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They have beer where we have blood.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
