the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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