Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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