Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
