people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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