My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
