I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
