Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
