New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
