wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
