Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
