somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
