I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
