Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
