Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
