well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
