and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
